Why I Write

4 Feb

To talk about why I write is fairly difficult for me. For the most part, I would say my experience with writing has been limited to class assignments. I have spent a majority of my time writing to fulfill requirements and I find that this gives me an aversion to the idea of writing. Just like in other tasks, if I am spending so much of my time needing to do them for someone else, they become less stimulating. In that sense I tend to lean towards emoting to others that I “hate” writing. Hate though, is a strong word that, in most cases, I use figuratively. After reflecting on this, I realize that there are past experiences I have had which lead to my “hate” of the writing process.

Throughout my schooling, in English and other courses, I have never felt comfortable with my writing abilities. In the past I have taken criticisms much to harshly and that has led me to believe that I am a “bad” writer. In other sorts of experiences I have had in my life, if given criticisms, I would take them as a way to become better at what I am undertaking. With writing experiences, though, I would shut down, feel like a bad writer, feel like the voice I displayed was inadequate, and feel like there was no up from there.

One occasion, senior year of high school, when I was required to write a personal essay is rather thought provoking to me now. This particular assignment was thrilling for me because I decided to write about one of the things I loved most: Disney. So, I put my heart, soul, and much energy into completing that assignment. With a passion like I have for Disney, it felt easy to portray my own character and my own thoughts. After the conclusion of this assignment, I felt satisfied by the work that I had done and with the effort I put into it, it felt worthy of receiving an A grade. When we were eventually returned our grades, I was very disappointed because I did not reach my goal; I received a B. That not only made me feel like my writing skills were poor but that what I had to say wasn’t good enough. That was one particular instance that made me feel lost about all writing assignments, one instance that made me feel like a “bad” writer.

Looking back on that experience (and ones similar to it) now, I have decided that my goal in writing is to take the compliments as confidence and take the criticisms as a chance to learn and become an improved writer. I desire to focus more on transforming criticisms into ways to be better so I can become more successful. In the times I spend experiencing different types and genres of writing, I realize that my voice is what I choose to make it and that everyone has their own voice to portray. The more I harness criticisms in the good sense, the easier it will be for me to feel confident about my voice, my thoughts, and my work. Understanding this now, I can achieve improvement of my abilities.

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